Children with Down Syndrome are not "stubborn"
This is not some ultra woke commentary on labels. This is a rant that’s been brewing in my head for the last 20 years. I'm not even sure if this educational rhetoric exists anymore.
I first heard this in ‘94 when I started seeing children with disabilities for physical therapy in the public schools.
Now that I’m raising my own kids, admittedly they do not have disabilities, I have learned a lot about discipline, my mistakes, etc.
I have some theories as to why children with Down Syndrome were perceived as stubborn.
Too many chiefs
In special education, there is a lower ratio of adults to students, due to the presumed higher needs of the students. There are teachers, aides, therapy personal, counselors, etc. I’ve seen 20 people at IEP meetings for these kids.
I have witnessed classes where many people get involved in bossing the kid around, kind of a piling on, of direction, and correction, etc. I’m sure I was guilty of this same thing many times, wanting to “help.”
In adult rehab, regardless of disabilities, it is generally accepted that one person gives directions at a time, as you cannot focus on multiple critiques at once.
I know many adults who would refuse to listen to multiple commands at once, understandably. It’s very confusing, and people also become defensive.
A good judge of character
Remember that commercial a few years ago where a cheesy adult used car salesman stereotype is trying to barter with a kid for their bike? The kid instantly knows the deal was unfair, and said so. Funny how they are not conditioned to patronising rhetoric yet, and can see right through it.
I witnessed some of the same interactions with kids. Sometimes they can smell bullshit better than adults.
I’ve witnessed kids being forced to sit in front of tests that they don’t understand, for up to 45 minutes. The administration and government educational agencies did not care if the kids were suffering. Many times it was just to gather data or metrics. Great, you proved they are at your definition of “zero,” you destroyed their self esteem, and they are no longer interested in learning.
Developmentally, that would be like forcing us adults to sit for 4 hours in front of a test written in Latin.
Would we put up with that? What would we be labelled when we got up and refused to partake?
Relativity of developmental levels
Children with Down Syndrome may be delayed in their progress along the same developmental milestones as any other kid. If they are 5 years old, and displaying behaviors at a 2-3 year old level, then they might appear “stubborn.”
My kids were stubborn. All kids are naturally stubborn. And it’s not really stubborn, they are testing the boundaries of discipline.
At some point, my 2-3 year olds told me they weren’t going to sit in time out. That was natural, and we had to make sure they understood that we are the boss, and yes, they were going to sit in time out.
Some parents are overwhelmed by the circumstances
Sometimes the question of discipline was difficult for parents and teachers. Do we discipline all children the same? There are also many adult emotions about the situation that make those decisions very difficult.
If we don’t discipline any kid, regardless of disability, they are often unhappy, and lack self esteem.
The big picture
Any one of these factors could have contributed to this narrative that children with Down Syndrome are stubborn. In my experience, any kid can appear stubborn, or their are outside factors that cause the appearance.
Maybe the rest of us are stubborn about continuing to push educational narratives that don’t work.