Don't be afraid of jerks at the gym

Welcome to the gun show

I’m not implying that this guy in the picture is a jerk, just guessing this is how some people appear to fitness beginners. Kudos to this guy who appears to be dumbbell pressing 70-80 pounds in each hand.

I have been on several social media sites recently, promoting this newsletter. There is a forum for fitness beginners. I keep seeing many posts about people’s hesitancy at going to the gym, partly due to what others might think. Many comments are, “Are people judging me?” This article is for you.

I’m in my 50s. When I was a kid, there was no internet to teach us how to lift weights or workout. There were magazines of our favorite body builders. Or we would watch movies. Magazines had many pictures of body builders lifting weights. That’s really all we had, unless an older friend was helping us. We just mimicked what we saw.

I think this article is for younger people, who are wanting to go to the gym, just starting out, and beginners. I am not going to mock this generation. Maybe some stories will help.

When I was a kid, growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, men frequently took their shirts off in the summer. There was no pretentiousness to this. It was friggin hot. There was less air conditioning. There have always been people who are overweight, but I don’t remember these fathers being “overweight”, however you want to define that. People drank sugary soft drinks, but we didn't know how harmful sugar could be. I think the average was 12 ounces, not a 32oz Big Gulp. Back then, fat was the diet evil. Carbs were just fine. That’s really a lesson in being skeptical, even of “current research,” as opinions tend to change over time.

Most people were not going to a gym. They did some bike riding, played tennis, worked in the garden, mowed lawns. Maybe a few were doing push ups, but it wasn’t like today, where someone might lift weights everyday, and had something to show off. The only weight in their hands was a 12oz can of Schlitz.

If a body builder type walked into that back yard party, they would probably be laughed at. Dr Cooper and aerobics were the rage in America. There were no cell phone cameras. There were no internet chat rooms or videos to judge others. Maybe that’s part of the problem today.

If you are a beginner and wanting to start at a gym, I highly recommend hiring a trainer, for at least a couple visits. Yes that can be an expense, but that person can show you how to perform some of the basic machines.

There might be some very large and loud body building types, however that is not where the gym makes its money. Their business depends on people like you. Knowing that should help you approach employees for questions. If they act like you are bothering them, take your money elsewhere. The fitness industry can be very competitive. Please don’t sign contracts until you have looked at all the gyms. They can act like a cheesy used car dealership. Use your gut instinct on who you like and trust.

Those large and loud body builders? Most are friendly, they just look scary. It’s common etiquette not to talk to someone if they are wearing headphones, or in the middle of a set. When they are resting you can ask a question. Most would be happy to offer (quick) advice. The few who aren’t, then you’ll know to avoid them.

Some of these people might be extremely narcissistic or vain (I’ve been the same). You might be a better person than them. Don’t let them intimidate you. Most are not judging you. If they offer advice you’re not interested in, thank them for the offer, and move elsewhere.

Some of this is perspective. In rehab, I meet people who are confined to wheelchairs their entire lives. For the most part, they are happy and social. I’ve met many patients in their 20’s who are miserable, for far less problems.

I was the same, and some of that was social anxiety. Weed didn’t help. Karma gave me a teenage son with the same issue. He is 14, and now works at a restaurant busing tables. He was extremely nervous to start. Yet when I pick him up after work, or team sports practice, he is high on a social buzz. Adults make him talk. He might even have to talk to (gasp!) customers. He’s at his happiest after social interactions.

I have had to introduce myself to thousands of people in rehab. Repetition makes this much easier. I talk in front of groups. When I was younger that was painful, and awkward. It takes practice like anything else.

We are talking about fear of the gym, but it really speaks to a much larger problem. People are on devices too much, and losing social skills, and on the whole, it is a negative in people’s lives.

Maybe we’re not talking about a fear, or bullying epidemic. Maybe we’re talking about a thin skin epidemic. My grandmother developed Parkinsons’ like head tremors. My uncles bought her a bobble head doll. She just laughed, “oh, you boys.” She was a woman from a very tough generation, who experienced much more adversity than we do.

When I was a kid, there was this saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I tried teaching that to a 3rd grade class a few years back. They refused that concept. “But words hurt,” they said. And they can, but that’s the point. We want to strive to be tougher.

My skin is not as thick as I would like. I know how to improve it. I just need to go back to coaching and reffing youth sports. Or go back to being a manager.

One more plea to not give up at the gym. I’ve worked in the medical rehab industry for 28 years. We are not always doing a great job of helping people. We are becoming increasingly bogged down by more paperwork and bureaucracy. There are not enough doctors and nurses to take care of people. The private medical insurance industry is worth a trillion dollars, partly because they are not paying for medical care when they should.

Even if you don’t go to a gym, please consider some type of healthier living. Keep in mind, most people are not successful at burning off a poor diet, that is high in sugar. You must consume less calories to lose weight. Prevention is your best, future, medical care. In other words, get in better shape and avoid being our customer. As time goes on, we will be less and less able to help you decrease your pain.