Physical Therapy rooms are Catholic confessionals
Another Sunday post
“Non nobis Dimine, but ura dumbass-ine”
These are extremely common events.
The patient: “My arm has been killing me all weekend, since I saw you last!”
Me: “Did you do anything that might have hurt your arm over the weekend?”
Them: “No! I didn’t do anything!”
Me 20 years ago, thinking in my head, “Jesus, I need to figure this out, right now! What did I do that was wrong in the last session?!” programmed by Catholic guilt…
Me now, have them exercise pain free for the next 20 minutes, until the patient brings this up again…
Them: proceeds to relay every minute detail about said weekend, run ins with in-laws, kid’s sports, drives to town, wait time at the restaurant, pain in other parts of the body we’re not treating, a condition her neighbor has, favorite political opinion, did I see that funny dog on social media? who do I think will win the Super Bowl? What do I think about Medicinal Marijuana? comments about her insurance screwing her over, her sister’s husband’s cousins’ uncles’ tractor broke down, would I like some green chili? “what’s wrong with that lady over there?” ( I can’t tell you, HIPAA, etc…)
and then 20 minutes later…
Them: “oh wait, uh, I do remember lifting, well not really lifting, but more like, just nudging a hay bail over.”
Me: “How much do hay bails weigh? 80 lbs?”
Them: “Oh, more like, only 65 lbs.”
Me: “Ok. Remember the doctor’s limit was 20 lbs?”
Them: “Oh, yeah. But it’s no big deal.”
Me: “Maybe not. But that is probably why your arm hurts so much.”
Them: “I was also carrying a bucket of water, but it was only 3/4 full.”
Me: “Ok, so a gallon of water weighs 8 lbs x 5 gallons x .75 = 30lbs.”
Them: “oh (smiling, but also thinking, just shut up already, you wet blanket on my life…)
Now I’m not saying “we’re” perfect. Far from it. Nurses, PTs, and doctors make some of the worst patients, because we think we already know everything. This week I hurt my back, by not following my own advice. There’s nothing worse than a hypocrite.
And!…I enjoy that entire conversation above, immensely. The day is sooooo boring without it.